SAD In Grey

I think I’m suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

It can’t be a coincidence that come every winter when the light in the days are quickly devoured by the dark a restless, dissatisfied and highly irritable mood overcomes me.

Spring’s fresh buds are greeted by the birds.

Summer buzzes with radiance and anticipation.

Autumn’s leaves whisper when they fall.

Winter sits shrouded in soul sapping greyness and speaks to no one.

Although when I was taking photos of the dullness outside this morning to illustrate the dreary weather we’re living through at the moment I caught this:-

A rainbow against the grey, giving us all a little hope.

Mish Mash

We ran out of shower gel and I had to resort to using a bar of soap someone bought me from their travels to France. It wasn’t really any hardship because it was posh French soap, quite luxurious in fact.

And the scent really got me. The scent of soap. It brought me back to the old days before the arrival of all those fancy shower gels and liquid soaps, back to the days before we installed a shower even and had to run our shower water into the bath and use a plastic scoop to pour water over ourselves. When I closed my eyes for a moment it was like I was 10 and back in the bathroom with the tiny blue tiles all over again.

Di asked me in comments if I bought any jams and chutneys from the farm shop I visited and yes, I did. I bought a three fruit marmalade, some cheese, oatcakes, a treacle tart (which you’ve already seen) and a lemon drizzle cake. It’s just too bad that none of it was very good, which was a disappointment. Even the cake wasn’t good; it was dry, maybe it was stale because the cake from the farm kitchen was nice. Oh well. I guess I just have high standards when it comes to food. And you know I’m spoilt when it comes to jam so the marmalade really didn’t excite my tastebuds at all. But the jar looked cute with that bit of gingham on top. Fooled by pretty packaging yet again!

GM and I went out for dinner after work tonight to a Mexican restaurant near work. It was kind of like a headache-inducing nightmare inside with some really non-authentic, garish decor that passes as Mexican to people who don’t know better. The music was irritating and the service was surly. It smelt a bit inside too, kind of like breath, and the man sitting on the table next to me kept shaking his leg and subsequently shaking the long bench we were all sat on.

Despite my semi-strong misgivings, when the food came I felt a lot better because even though I suspected that it wasn’t really the way the Mexicans would have done it, it was still tasty nonetheless. The nachos we’d ordered to share was huge and they didn’t skimp on the toppings. I ordered a starter as my main because I was quite full and didn’t want to go home all bloated on the train but even that was quite substantial. Both GM and I had tacos and their tacos were of the “assemble yourself” variety, kind of like eating at home, where they gave us a few taco shells and a pot of our meats (beef or chicken) together with some salad, guacamole and sour cream on the side. Still it all tasted good!

Next to our table on the other side were two attractive ladies with two kids. One of them had an American accent and she was the prettier one. She was obviously used to American style service because she wasn’t afraid to question and to make demands. Obviously she didn’t get much more than some blank looks and “Yah chilli” when she asked, “Is the chilli made of beef or pork? I’m allergic to pork”. She ended up ordering some chicken tacos. When her tacos arrived she took one look at it and immediately summoned the waitress and demanded, “Where’s my food?” The waitress told her “That’s chicken tacos” and she replied, “Yes, but where is my chicken?!” whilst waving an empty taco shell at the waitress. The waitress then had to tell her that the chicken was in the pot on her plate. I actually laughed out loud. To give the girl credit when she was told that the chicken was in the pot she said, “Oh that’s chicken?  You do everything different here.  I apologise, I’m Mexican and I’m not used to the way things are here”.  Which I thought was very nice of her.  But she was really funny.  Later on I heard her say to her friend, “Are you kidding me?!  No salsa?!”  I think there was salsa only it was masquerading as the salad on the side.  Well what do you expect from a place that has an orange signboard with a cactus painted on it??

Lovely Combi

This is the sandwich I had for dinner today.  Or rather, one of the few sandwiches I had.  It was a brie, watercress/spinach/rocket and blueberry jam sandwich seasoned with pepper and tasbasco.  Yup, you read right, blueberry jam.

The thing is, brie and grape work well together and brie and cranberry are a perfect match.  So obviously brie really benefits from a sweet companion and I didn’t think blueberry jam would be a problem.  And I was right, it wasn’t.  My sandwich was creamy (brie), sweet (jam, obviously), peppery (the salad) and spicy (tabasco) all at the same time.  I think you all should try it.  It sounds slightly odd but it’s good.

It’s payday today!  I wouldn’t have known if 1) I didn’t get my payslip via my company’s internal mail, and 2) if I wasn’t reminded by a couple of workmates.  I don’t normally remember when payday is and don’t watch out for it.  I think this means that I am very fortunate that I’m not waiting for my next paycheck to come in to afford things.  I bitch a lot but I should really try to remember that my problems are all “first world” problems in that they’re all about short-term discomfort or annoyances and nothing major like living hand to mouth or not having basic infrastructure and the like.

I remember some time ago I used to like reading a “secrets” site.  Most of the secrets were along the vein of “This is to my boss, I hate you stupid bitch!” or “I am still in love with my ex” but there was one which was longer than most of the others and it was by a person who was tired of being hungry.  This person lives (or lived, I hope life has improved for him/her since then) from paycheck to paycheck, has to use all his/her money for bills, doesn’t have money for food and cries from hunger.  The sentence that sent the most vivid image to my mind was, “My stomach feels raw”.  At the end of the secret he/she implored readers to be thankful when we’re eating, because there are so many people out there who can’t do the same.  That secret made me feel so sad and yet so fortunate at the same time that I cried and cried even harder just thinking of this poor soul out there, all the poor souls out there who worry about money until they have no space in their minds to think about anything else.

I don’t know what I’m concluding from this little sharing session apart from that I know I’m very lucky.  Perhaps I should try to remember this everytime I hate work and feel like quitting or if I feel a bit crap that I can’t afford some fancy bag I see on a purse blog?  I think if we all learnt to stop coveting the newer, better model we’d be a lot happier.  I’m going to try to remember to stop wanting shiny, new material goods that I don’t need from now on.  Instead I will try to nurture myself in terms of learning and seeing things to challenge and excite my mind and/or body or for relaxation purposes.  After all, a new item just ends up getting shoved in a wardrobe or cupboard somewhere over time whereas a positive experience stays with you forever.